lundi, janvier 19, 2009

Swinging for dummies

It's odd when you know more about a particular topic than the hip, chic, eclectic people who write the articles for the New York Times "Modern Love" column.

A few days ago, the column detailed the adventures of Katherine Ruppe, who found herself a surprised and then an bewildered extra in someone's love life.

Her nerd turned out to be a swinger--complete with married girlfriend.

As I've said before, I know something about swingers. While I haven't had personal experience, I've had enough conversations with some to come a few conclusions.

One is that both swinging and polyamory create complexities, like jealousy, that most people aren't equipped to cope with. The situation Ruppe describes probably is not all that unusual. Another is that swinging, having sex with many partners, requires a certain amount of numbing, or compartmentalization.

Men are usually more comfortable with this than are women--although women are becoming more adept.

Monogamy can indeed become boring, if both partners aren't committed to spicing it up. That explains, perhaps, why some Christian pastors have started producing these R rated books for married couples.

But is bringing a third party, or parties, into a relationship the answer to a tedious sex life?

I'm skeptical. If a couple is having sexual problems, there's usually more to it than sex. And intimacy is something you earn, not something you find by posting on craigslist.

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