vendredi, octobre 19, 2012

Isn't it "unromantic"?

By the time yesterday rolled around, I was exhausted.

"How are you?" asked someone in roughly my situation.  She's a woman who has been tough sometimes because she's had to be.

"Hanging in there" I told her. "I wish I didn't have to be so strong sometimes."

Single mom.

Mom of a teen with special needs.

Student. Intern.  Journalist.

When I read about the "women in binders" meme that went Twitter-wild after candidate  Romney get his words mixed up on Tuesday night, I just chuckled.

 Strange, is it not, the way our culture magnifies slips of the tongue into big deals.

But then I started to think about the rest of his answer to that question -- and his assumption that he should support a woman so she could be home to feed her family.

We women do a lot more than rush home to cook dinner.

Oftentimes I bet my little family wishes someone else would feed them -- a diet of steamed veggies, tofu and Trader Joe's Halloween (orange-colored) generic oreo cookies may not be what the dream-mom would make.

But without my dream-guy chef around to pick up the crepe pan, I do the best I can.

Over the years, I've worked hard to  stay as resilient and emotionally healthy as possible. But I wish I didn't have to make a consistent effort.

Not that I'm complaining.

O.K., I'm complaining.

Today.  So bear with me.

Perhaps tomorrow I'll be a bit more gracious and forgiving.

The fact is, that I'm often more willing to call it like it is than many of the guys that first appear appealing. I don't know if this is a "guy" thing -- I think it might be a human thing.

I didn't inherit the white lie gene. In my family, I don'd think we HAD a prevarication gene --  you might be stunned by what Uncle Si said, but you didn't doubt his sincerity in saying it.

Some of these men just don't get it - how could I NOT want to hook up with them, since they are clearly such studs?

I don't seem to share a common vocabulary with others -- and sadly, that does make a difference. Perhaps it wouldn't have in our twenties, but it does in middle-age.

 I've been on the losing end of a few tentative steps towards friendships, if not something different -- and it's made quite the impression on me.  One man, an (initially) charming Frenchman, told me, after a few dates, that he would probably leave me for a younger woman -- because that's what usually happens.

Then there have been men who clearly saw me as a back-up if their "dream girl" didn't work out.  Falling fast and easy into what sure appears to be fantasy, they drove through the flashing yellow lights and out of my life.

I have to admit that, even though I could see what was going on, it still stung.

Frequently I am asked if I am a "dominant" or a "submissive."  Conceivably these fellas need more of a specialist female -- one who can cook, clean, and seduce in chains -- or with a whip.

I have much to be meek about.  It's not a case of being "better than" the guys with whom I chat online.

And it's most surely not a case of most women being better than, or even, perhaps stronger than most men. There are lots of guys who do roughly what we do -- and do it so well.

Like a lot of my sisters, I'm the resilient and direct person I am because I've had to be so that my kids grow up in a relatively sane environment.  But there are times I long to share these burdens with someone else -- or to act completely irresponsible.

I find, however, that when I cut loose, whether it be with a moment of mischief or a cutting comment, it boomerangs on me.

Responsible female seeks mature male for collaboration, creativity, good works, and perhaps, on a night with a blue moon, some fun.

What a concept.