vendredi, mai 20, 2011

The confidence of letting go

Waking up this morning, and racing to leave for a doctor's appointment about an hour away, with a sick kid at home, I found myself caught up in drama.

Again, I can't be specific about the issues, except to say that ceremonial occasions can be very difficult to navigate -- they bring out the worst and sometimes the best in everyone.

You can be fighting against the odds or hold a good hand -- it's all in your cast of characters.

I'm sure you know what I mean. The relatives who haven't talked in ten years, the ex-wife and husband who won't sit near one another at weddings, the bridesmaid who gets drunk at the reception. People can become six years old again under the strain.

I know I have been tempted.

Fear, unresolved childhood trauma, jealousy, rage -- they can keep us holding on, even when we know we ought to open our fists, and unlock the doors to our own prisons.

With regard to my own personal state of mind, I did have a bit of a breakthrough last night. I'm getting close to accepting the present reality -- and that brings with it some measure of tranquility. Acceptance, a huge part of mindfulness practice, is about deciding to live in the here and now -- not trying to twist the future to our desires.

Sometimes our desires are a little inscrutable, even to ourselves.

Liberation ain't about control -- it's about surrender.

Neither you nor I can control what occurs in the future -- but we can choose how we behave in the present moment.

As you learn to let go of grasping, paradoxically enough, you are better able to cope with what may come.

It's about staying flexible, limber, and confident -- confident in your own sense of internal balance.

Funny thing -- these are just the skills I'm working on in yoga. Or not working on -- hoping that with practice, they will be there when I need to call on them.

How about you? Ready for a little child's pose? Join me. I promise, I won't peek, evaluate or judge. Learning to bend? Well, it's a lifetime challenge.

4 commentaires:

BigLittleWolf a dit…

Ceremonial occasions. Drama. Exes. I can only imagine.

I have my own "events" coming up which are already causing agita in this realm.

But when two are going to tango whether you like it or not, it isn't always about one letting go - if the other won't.

Hoping it all went well.

Anonyme a dit…

Letting go of the illusion of control is important, but what I find is the most important is to know and embrace your limits. Knowing when to say when is a big part of being happy. Doing things to make others happy doesn't work, they are never happy.

By coming to peace with your situation you open up your spirit to move on.

Offcenter a dit…

BLW --I'm sorry for your future agita. I know that not everyone's situation is easy.

Mine is a church-related problem -- and for some reason, people feel freest to behave poorly in sacred environments!

Offcenter a dit…

Interesting comments, anonymous. Not my situation, exactly, but good advice.

I don't agree that others are never happy, but I do think basic happiness comes from within. People who try to become what they think the other person wants or needs end up losing part of themselves.

I'm in school getting a counseling degree and reading two books on codependency-- trying to fill the void in other people's lives. One writer says we are ALL a bit codependent.

You might take a look at "The New Codependency" by Melody Beattie."Breaking Free of the Codependency Trap" also seems to be a good book.