Some thoughts on forgiveness: From this past Wednesday's Inquirer

Posted on Wed, Oct. 11, 2006
Everyday forgiveness By Elizabeth Evans
Students of Amish practice have said much recently about the stunning way in which the plain people incarnate the practice of forgiveness. As I watched that forgiveness in action, I wondered: Can a typcial Christian like me draw some meaning from this tragedy in ways that have everyday consequences? Can I learn from my brothers and sisters in Christ?
If the Amish seem different, it is because in some ways, in their insularity and ascetic practice, they take the words of the New Testament more seriously than many of the vocal advocates for "family values" and cultural conservatism or liberal proponents of peace and social justice. If we really took Jesus at his word, we'd find ways to build bridges with our ideological opponents, not slam them.
How many times have Christians heard Jesus' injunction to "love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you" (Matthew 5:44)? How many of us could have met, as Amish families reportedly have, with the widow of Charles Carl Roberts IV, the man who shot their children?
Are you feuding with a coworker? Taking sides in a family quarrel? In everyday circumstances far less traumatic, we as individuals have many opportunities, not to just practice forgiveness, but to encourage others to lay down the burden of vengefulness and hatred.
However faithful we are in church attendance, we tend to face sickness, loss and disability out of the public eye. We feel it's something better kept within our nuclear families.
But our Amish neighbors have a historical heritage of enduring affliction for their faith that may make them stronger in the face of suffering. This puts them squarely in the tradition of the early Christians to whom the author of I Peter (4:13) wrote: "Rejoice in so far as you are sharing Christ's sufferings, so that you may also be glad and shout for joy when his glory is revealed."
None of us would choose grief, nor would we wish it on others - yet life offers us many opportunities to draw deeper meaning from bad fortune and tragedy, instead of taking refuge in drug and alcohol abuse, cynicism or despair.
As we become more and more dependent on our electronic toys to build relationships with others, we run the risk of losing the interdependent threads that make renewal possible, not just for individuals, but also for communities. There, too, the Amish show us a promising way forward.
By offering mutual help when it is necessary, the Amish truly bear one another's burdens: "The body does not consist of one member but of many" (I Cor. 12:14).
I suspect that if you look around, you will find someone in your area, someone you already know, in need of a bag of groceries, or a ride to the doctor, or just a listening ear. Beyond that, we could all benefit, both in city and suburb, from the sense that a healthy community is a reciprocal responsibility.
For those of us who get caught up in the troubles that currently afflict mainline Protestant denominations, there may be a wider moral in observing how the Amish community faced tragedy together.
As I sat down to write this column, I got an e-mail from the "Lay Episcopalians for the Anglican Communion." I had never heard of them, but they described themselves as a "catalyst for the survival of a strong Anglican presence" and invited Episcopal clergy to join them in preparing for a formal schism.
Reading this missive, I smiled wryly. The Amish, who do not use computers, let alone electricity, would never have gotten such an e-mail, with its call to arms on behalf of the "true faith. A church "revolution" could occur, and the Amish would miss it.
Living without electricity, automobiles and televisions is a small price, perhaps, for the peace that no individualistic and schismatic American denomination can truly promise its members - the peace that the world cannot give.
The Amish probably wouldn't take credit for any of these ideas. Instead, they would point fellow Christians back to our roots in the life and teachings of the man we call Savior. In the weeks to come, "English" Christians may want to renew their acquaintance with him.
Elizabeth Evans lives and writes in Glenmoore.
© 2006 Philadelphia Inquirer and wire service sources. All Rights Reserved.http://www.philly.com

Gridlock with an order of fries?

If the Democrats take control of the House and/or Senate in November...For those of us who have felt shut of the democratic process for what? twelve years? this notion has all the wistful quality of a phrase like "If I win the lottery" or "if the newspapers would stop covering Terrell Owens" (maybe you have to live in Philadelphia to feel that way about TO's yen for melodrama, but I doubt it). Those of us who tend to vote Democrat have to look way far back to remember the good old days when the party ruled the halls of Congress and...very often made a big mess of it. There was a fair amount of corruption in Congress when the opposition was in power-it's just what happens when one party is in power for too long and nobody else can rein them in. It was the Democrats who got us into Vietnam, was it not? Now it is a Republican President who took us into Iraq, where hundreds of thousands of innocent people have died. I think that's the thing that infuriates and saddens me the most-how dare we destroy a people in the name of democracy? As far as I am concerned, those who approved of this war have blood on their hands. Then there is the whole question of what we have done to ourselves in the name of "the war on terror." When history judges George Bush (let alone the God with whom he claims such close friendship) will it be as a man of vision, even if a failed one? Or will it be as a man of limited imagination and black and white thinking who managed to rule a country with a witches brew of secrecy and fright ? Frankly, I could care less. What bugs me is: why did our Democrat and Republican elected reps let him trample all over our civil liberties? Clearly, this was a tremedously conservative Congress-in many ways, more so than even a lot of Republicans. In addition, they had a vision and a plan. The Republicans were bent on cutting taxes-some of it because they really have faith that it will help the economy and that the gains trickle down to the poor. Although green Republicans are a growing voting bloc, particularly in the suburbs, Americans could not hope for much from this phenomenally pro-business and anti-environment Administration. Given that the ranks of the poor are growing, and African Americans tend to be disproportionately represented, it also would be challenging to suddenly transform the Republican party into the party of Lincoln-or even the party of Gerald Ford. But it is amazing that so many in both political parties let the President trample on both the prerogatives of the Congress and of the courts. All this to say-there is a lot of work to do-particularly on problems like global warming. The question is: can the Democrats restore some health to this dysfunctional mess? With this particular White House, their options are limited. They haven't been able to agree on a strategy for getting us out of Iraq-although that shot across the bows from conservatives is a bit of smoke and mirrors, because the Republicans don't have one, either. And they've never been as good at party unity as the Republicans. If the Dems take the House and/or the Senate...it may be that the best we can hope for is that they curb the machinations of a White House feeling the consequences of its kingly view of the power of the Chief Executive. It may be a while before we can ask for anything more. Who ever thought obstructionism would look this appealing?

Pennsylvania Dutch Country Lessons

If you live in Northern Chester County, Pennsylvania, then the Amish are your neighbors. On our way to Lancaster, we drive around their horses and buggies, or watch them doing outdoor chores on their farms as we speed down country roads way faster then we need to. Even those of us who don't stare at a person in a wheelchair, or teach our children to treat all of their classmates as equal, seem to make an exception, a condescending one, for the Amish. After all, their black and white garb, their centuries-old ways of living, make them different from us. But as Scott Simon reminded us on his Saturday radio show, its simply wrong to make the Amish into simply another tourist attraction. They are, as we have learned this week, a remarkably strong people-capable of practicing a disciplined Christianity and faith in the mercy of God which sustains them. For centuries, they have asked only to have the freedom to live out the vision of Christian community that guided them through persecutions in their home countries and led them to America. The best thing we can do, now , is to a. send money to support the families that have lost children and those that have to pay hospital bills. b. pray for them c. leave them alone and d. meditate on what it is we can learn about real Christianity from the example of a people who take the words of a Nazarene carpenter as seriously as they deserve.

Lies, Sex and Videotape

Sorry-when I wrote about Congressman Foley on Monday I hadn't thought about the possible "I am an alcoholic formerly molested by a priest" defense. This one probably puts anything former Gov. McGreevey admitted to shame. Faster than the speed of light, we have gone from the "covered-up" Mark Foley to the "naked" Mark Foley-and I find them both repulsive and horribly compelling. Actually, this is not the former Florida Congressman's fault-not entirely. In the head-shrinking (therapeutic and cannibalistic) world of American politics, Foley, his lawyer, and ABC News have thrown a whole pile of manure out for the public to sift through as it will-since "icck, go back to your cave, Foley" apparently is not an option. How prudish it sounds to say that if Foley was indeed molested by a clergyman (one assumes a Catholic priest, since he is Roman Catholic), then he needs to deal with his problems in counseling. The striptease with the American public is just another way in which he can cosset his craving for perversity..and ours. The phrase TMI (too much information) is clearly tailored for this age in which not only are secrets disgorged by anonymous bloggers, but they spill out from so many directions that readers are invariably forced into the position of journalists and editors. The fact that it seems newsworthy that Foley is "taking responsibility" for his own behavior doesn't begin to excuse it. The behavior of the House leadership is revolting beyond belief-its bad enough to view them as they prance around like bugs in quicksand. But we, too, end up feeling soiled, as though we were watching unspeakable acts through someone else's apartment window. Try not to watch the peep show! I dare you. If you can, I commend you. I watch...and read...and then, probably like Mr. Foley after one of his lurid escapades...I hate myself in the morning

The McGreevey Defense

I just hope that former Congressman Mark Foley, alleged sexual predator, doesn't use the Jim McGreevey defense. Foley, who resigned his well-to-do Florida congressional seat on Friday, is accused of writing sexually explicit notes to the male pages who worked on Capitol Hill. Formerly the Governor of New Jersey, McGreevey, who put his alleged (Cipel, the alleged boyfriend, denies it) male lover in a powerful New Jersey post while in office, recently came out with a book retailing his journey out of the closet (and out of the Governor's mansion). I don't know about you, but I am sick of men (and it's mostly men) who excuse their bad, immoral and dishonest dealings by claiming that they were rent by the pressures of having to lead double lives. Now that they have repented of their misdeeds, they can finally walk in the sunlight of disclosure, write books that will bring in lots of money, and serve as consultants. Caveat-McGreevey, as far as I know, has never been accused of being a sexual predator. Nor is this a "gay issue." Think ex-President Bill Clinton. If Foley is guilty, he's not the first member of Congress to harass male and female pages. What is so infuriating is that these men seem to think that a public apology, expressed remorse, a scrub in the confessional bath, is enough to exonerate them. No way. They have left a trail of hurt and mistrust in their path. Reparations for that kind of abuse won't be made right with a book that hits the top of the charts on Amazon. Rebuilding faith and hope, restoring trust takes a lifetime of quiet, non-public, repair and rehabilitation.

Love's mystery

Last night, as I was cleaning up the dinner dishes left over from our applesauce and broccoli binge (we girls like to eat weird stuff when we don't have fellows around), Sian came into the kitchen. We had returned from the library about 20 minutes or so before that, and it was rapidly getting towards bedtime. Water dripping from her brown hair, blue eyes determined, she sat down at the kitchen table. Before she jumped into the task at hand, she warned me not to laugh at her. One thing I have learned from being a mother is that whether the questions are large, random, or just moderately off the wall to an adult, kids just hate being laughed at...wouldn't you? I put down the plates, dried my hands, and walked over to her chair. "Mom, why do you love me?" she asked. Stunned, I looked at my eleven year old daughter as though she had just taken up an endowed chair in the philosophy department of some major educational institution . Do you mean why do I love or you or what makes you lovable? I stammered. "I've always loved you." You mean that you love me beause you are supposed to? she asked with a little apparent disappointment. Wondering if I could say something that would illuminate the alchemy of a parent's attachment, I babbled about having loved her from the moment she was born, and all of the ways in which that love manifests itself in protection, hope, pride and discipline. I'm not sure I came any closer to analyzing the roots of love. I'll have to ask Sian if she got anything from our conversation. Returning to her room later to wish her good night, I told her that part of the reason I know how to love her was because my parents had taught me how to be loving. "Sleepily she lifted her lovely eyes to my face and asked: "Does that mean you are teaching me?" With a mixture of terror, honesty and desire, I answered "Yes. I hope so."

First love

I'm not a sitcom type of single mom beset with comedic adventures involving eccentric neighbors, screwball romances, and precocious kids. In fact, I don't even like to call myself a single mother, because it implies that I'm doing most of the work of rearing Sian and Colin myself. To me, that seems very unfair to their dad, who is so involved in their life. That being said, I do run my household a little differently now than when we were married. In general, I tend to be less lenient about such items as computer time than their father is. But I did, in a moment of temporary insanity, tell my children that they could stay up in bed as late as they wanted to if they were reading a book. No, I did not make sure all of the books had won literary awards, or appeared on some reading list of great books. Recalling what great pleasure fiction had given me as a child, I just wanted my children to grow up to love escaping into a book. Although Colin would rather play some arcane computer game than read a novel, he is a facile reader. His father observed that our son is not bothered by discovering words he has not learned-he just navigates around the word and moves on. On the other hand, Sian has long looked at reading as a duty rather than a pleasure. She was so opposed to it that we thought she had a reading problem. In hindsight, it appears that Sian had simply not met the "right" book. A libraria's recommendation led her to a novel about Doll-People...and my little girl fell in love with a novel for the first time. On school nights, the over head lamp was on so late that I had to go into her room and tell her that I was breaking my own rule-no reading past ten o'clock on school nights! I hope that this love affair is merely the first in a long line of literary engagements-we shall see. I wonder what other crazy rules I can come up with.