mardi, mars 13, 2012

Ramblings with the boy

When is he going to rebel?

I ask myself that sometimes, when it seems as though my son and I are living in our own eccentric universe of conversation, books and dialogue on all creatures small (our cats) and great (the stars and planets).

Hard to tell how we got to this place, where anything is fair game, from conversation about politics to that about his relationship with his girlfriend (she's moving back to NYC this summer, which is hard on him).

Yesterday he was running a fever, and so we decided he should stay home. Fretting over missing the PSSA's (do you think there's money in serving as a potential poster boy for the tests?) he was happy to go back to school this morning.

But I put aside work yesterday so that we could go out for a walk, and talk about subjects of interest to both of us -- Syria, Amnesty International, his Boy Scour trip, God, baseball (go Yankees) and his middle school pals.

He'll be gone a lot this summer, and I'm working to finish my degree, so we don't have that much time to hang out together and share that easy companionship. For all of our deep bond, he is very independent and doesn't mind taking up the mantle of leadership.

Sometimes, though, I wonder if we are too close and if he needs to establish his own identity -- against mine. I am guessing that other moms have the same question as their sons grow into young adults.

Do I need to help him push me away? Do I have to?

Or, if I am giving him enough space, will it just happen by itself at some point?

I find that I'm not eager to propel him. Achievement and idealism have their own trajectories.

But I'll still be on the sidelines, in his corner. Always..

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