Dating dumb: a user's manual

Dating dumb?

It's not what, or who, you think (nein, nein, nein) -- the ditzy blonde of so many old Hollywood comedies. After all, the stereotype of the clueless flaxen ones is a ridiculous slam. Isn't it?

I used to think that dumb dating was only done by college students, or by young adults in their early twenties in the grip of hormones and experimentation.

Why did I EVER take him up on that dare last night?

Whose room am I in - and where did she go?

Oh my gosh, why did I ever go out for a drink, or five drinks, with my t.a.?

But I have found that it's possible to act your shoe size, not your age -- well, at any age.

A persistent mistake that people make is dating in the wake of a separation.

I'd like to see statistics on how long those relationships last.

And then, of course, there are those of us who roll the dice and date the men or the woman who has just begun to sort his or her life out.

Then there is dating someone with wildly different expectations -- he wants a relationship that leads to marriage, she is happy, after a difficult marriage, to be alone.

There is dating someone significantly older, or younger -- as I found out on a nightmare of an excursion to meet up with a guy from Columbia, Maryland, who made it clear as soon as we'd met that he was looking for someone younger. (duly noticed)

And then, yes, of course, there are men and women who date others of greatly disparate intellectual abilities. I don't understand it, and I don't think it works in the long run. That said,

people have all kinds of reasons for getting into relationships -- and some that may be strong enough to keep them there.

Sometimes dating dumb means dating promiscuously.

And sometimes it means holding back. I make lots of mistakes of the holding back variety, doing my utmost to discourage potential suitors by making it clear that dating me will involve dodging axes, swallowing fire, swimming with crocs and climbing out of moats.

Lots of moats.

But in the end, it probably is wise not to be too hard on ourselves if we make mistakes.

Because that's how we learn, isn't it?

Or at least, I sure hope it is.