mardi, août 16, 2011
The Sex talk (sigh)
I could sense that it was coming (just accept that now that I've used the word "sex," everything else will sound suggestive.)
Having tried to deflect it, at least once, I wasn't sure that I was up for it.
But I could see that, this morning, there was no way under or around it.
The sex talk -- it's almost as inevitable in online communication as figuring out whether the person is actually the age he or she posts on his or her profile.
In my admittedly unscientific experience, it's only a matter of time before a lot of guys attempt to either have some form of online sex chat, or to have sex without strings.
Apparently, in the age of readily available pornography and online messagers, it's just part of the process of getting to know someone.
At first I felt awkward, or annoyed, or dismayed.
Now I'm very matter-of-fact. I'm not a prude. My curiosity, and general attitude towards life, make that impossible.
But I do have principles. I tell guys that I don't have those kind of discussions before I've met someone. I'm not a vehicle for a guy to satisfy his itch on the way to his office. Sex, at least to me, is about intimacy, and intimacy comes from knowing someone's mind and heart -- not solely his online persona.
Sex is worth waiting for.
I don't blame. I don't even judge. I just put it out there -- and risk, of course, that the man with whom I'm speaking is going to walk away.
So today, I spoke my mind -- I hope I did it kindly. I told him, too, how smart and appealing he was.
And then I waited, readied myself for the possibility that he would click off...and move on.
He apologized. He said he'd misread me. We chatted a few more minutes, and then he disappeared.
Maybe he can find another woman who wishes to play the online sex game -- or who does it because it's the "price" of admission to his life.
I don't know if he's gone forever. I feel a little sad, and just that much more disillusioned. But if he's intrigued enough, he'll be back.
And he'll find a real woman waiting for him -- imperfect, inquisitive, warm and willing.
Willing to wait.