lundi, décembre 01, 2008

The space between

I just wrote a friend something I really didn't want to say -- that not having a lot of time ruled out some deep friendships. While I accept that in theory, I have a tough time with it in the real world.

When it comes to dating, I am amazed when guys online contact me from West Virginia or even Baltimore. If they have children, what kind of custody arrangements allow them to consider a long distance relationship? Of course, if they are guys who only see their kids once every two weeks, they probably are not someone who would find me appealing or vice versa.

Pragmatic, calendar-tethered, down to earth --motherhood conforms even the most starry eyed wonderer. So I get the timestrain which consumes many of us.

That being said, I've come to realize what I knew as a single woman -- that my married female friends don't place the same priority on maintaining a friendship as I do. I can understand it, and even try to make peace with it, but it saddens me.

I have childless women friends, but they are career women. Instead of being occupied with children, they have a lively social calendar focused on business dinners with their husbands or arts patronage.

I'm brought back to wondering what's important -- and what does what we value say about us? I don't have an answer, just questions. I know I miss gossip, laughing, bitching affectionately about guys...stuff women "get" that you have to explain to men.

If I stumble into a relationship, will I make my girlfriends last on the list? Man, I hope not. I know I need them in my life. Hopefully they need me, too.

Aucun commentaire: