jeudi, février 15, 2007

Should you stumble across my post...

I tell people I'm over you-the people who knew you existed to begin with-only one or two, who I know can keep a confidence, even know your name. I only confided in a few friends, and they had no idea who you were, how famous, how wealthy-they didn't give a hoot. Neither did I, you know. Sweetheart, I am so over you-why would I want to leave myself open to someone who had the capacity to cause me such pain? Other men show interest, and I struggle with a cynicism which you helped to instill in me. But sometimes, on nights like these, I miss you in ways that still sting. The way you'd pop up on my computer screen as I was putting the children to bed, and I'd hurry a little, eager to catch up on the news of the day. The way you'd try to shock me with tales of your scandalous past. The way you could laugh at yourself-and make light of the quirks of the suburban matrons with their implants and spa visits and of the executives with their corporate jets and call girls. I miss the daily gossip about what we did that day and the endearingly practical conversation about our children's behavior. Your children older, you would say to me "Just you wait, my dear." There is a lot I don't miss, P. I never could have joined you in your bacchanals, and I am increasingly sure that you would have wanted me to. The people who know and love me are glad you are gone-but there are times, fewer as the days turn to weeks, to be sure, when I long to turn on my computer and start a conversation that would go on until the late hours of the night and end with a-"goodbye, sweetheart. Look for me...tomorrow."

4 commentaires:

Catherine + a dit…

Elizabeth...your words, such--depth...there is a grief there and I am sorry that it has visited you in this way. Obviously, not knowing the whole story...yet I do sense the sorrow very poignantly.

My heart goes out to you.

Offcenter a dit…

Thank you, Catherine+

It's odd how you can connect with someone who is so very different and even start a relationship based on respect and affection. I don't think he could sustain it longterm-or the pull of that other life was too strong-but I do think we shared a commonality deeper than our differences.

Catherine + a dit…

I agree and have been in similar circumstances...and I suppose that in some ways it is more painful realizing the potential of the common threads than the things that caused or would have caused opposition. I had a relationship that was "heaven-sent" but with that person being so much an INFJ and I, an INFP [among a few other differences], it only took one misstep to wrench us apart.

You are SO in my prayers, E.

Anonyme a dit…


Reading these, catching up. Realizing I missed your birthday. Glad you are over this..or getting over this..healing and moving on.
My thoughts are he wasn't good enough for you deserve so very much.
Happy Belated-Happy Still Searching. Watch that ice!