mardi, décembre 05, 2006

No secrets?

This morning a scrap of music from childhood floated through my memory. The lyrics are vintage Carly Simon-the feeling very contemporary. "We have no secrets-we tell each other everything about the lovers in our past and why they didn't last...we know each other's fantasies. And while you often say that it's me whom you adore-sometimes I wish, I really wish...that I didn't know-some of these secrets of yours. " I realize that what I am about to say is going to seem rather odd for someone who blogs a lot about her personal and professional life-but I'm beginning to think there is a place for secrecy. In fact, there are some folks of whom it should be made mandatory! Recently a friend and I were talking about the advantages and disadvantages of meeting potential dates online. We agreed that while trolling for dates online cuts through a lot of the traditional first and second date preliminaries, it also facilitates an almost total lack of accountability. Hide your age. Photo-shop your figure. Make up a more appealing persona. Unburden yourself of your real persona to your potential swain-with the unwritten caveat that you are unwilling to risk actually meeting him or her in the flesh. These kinds of behaviors quite naturally breed intense suspicion on the part of potential dates-they wonder what their trial partners may be hiding and they develop certain self-protective behaviors in return. In our revolutionary moment on the communications spectrum, it is hard to find a way to build accountability into dialogue between lovers, employees and employeers or even bloggers and readers! (By the way, my rule, as I have said before, is not to write something in an email or in this blog that I would not be able to say to your face, should I meet you). I suspect that, given enough horrid experiences, we will start to be a little more appropriately cautious-less willing to share our secrets with those who are not mentally or spiritually well enough to hear them. If you aren't able, at least in theory, to be as good as your words, then perhaps you might want to consider keeping some of them to yourself.

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