The downside of guileless

If you are ever planning on doing something nefarious, like overthrowing a government, cheating on a tax return, or stepping out on your spouse -- don't come to me.

I'm horrible at keeping secrets.

It's probably best not to even trust me with your husband's surprise party. Let it be a surprise for me too.

Pretty much everything I feel, and a lot of things I happen to know, are written on my face. That is, in part, why I love acting.  I can have someone else's secrets furrow my brow.

Secrets of the "confessional"? I solve that problem by forgetting that I knew them.

Perhaps you have physiognomy that tells the world, also.

There are times, however, when I wish I had wiles.

What used to called "feminine" (unfairly, undoubtedly) wiles, in particular -- evasions and asides, appropriate blushes, fluttering eyelashes.

When I flutter my lashes, it looks like there's something wrong with a contact lens.

Instead, I blush when I'm actually embarrassed, feel the need to face delicate topics straight on, and have no idea to how act cool when I'm happy or indifferent when I'm not.

There is little of the mystery woman about me.

And this can be a problem when it comes to circumstances that require a delicate touch -- finding a job, for instance.

One isn't supposed to come right out and say how excited one is by the opportunity lest one appear, well, too eager.

The opposite applies, of course, when you are asked to do something you don't want to do -- it would be nice to have a blank stare on file so that you can take a moment to deal with a child's request for twenty dollars for a movie you don't know he was going to until an hour before it began.

Have you been to the parent's academy of vague generalities? Can you give me the URL?

I'm also a horrible liar -- so I generally avoid doing it.  In a play, the truth usually outs in the third act. In the ones I write, the cat jumps the bag in the prologue.

And when it comes to dating, I tip my hand constantly.  They say a woman should keep a guy guessing (again, this may be dated dating advice). But not only do I give men answers -- I even suggest the questions. I am a caregiver par excellence, and I suspect it detracts from my curb appeal.

Would job hunting be more fruitful, dating more fun if I added a little Mata Hari to my persona?

Perhaps I could pull off the mysterious, volatile, glam woman of the world persona for a day or so -- just to see if its like catnip to employers and hot guys.

I'll let you all know when I'm ready to try it.

After all, you can keep a secret. Can't you?