vendredi, juin 28, 2013

Two decades and counting down: the older woman-younger guy revolution and why I'm not signing on

I'm currently engaged in a dialogue with a younger male acquaintance about why some guys prefer older women.

As in, significantly older women -- we're talking about a two-decade or more gap.  Ten years? That's different music, World Series winners, and more grey hairs.

Two decades, however? That's a generation.

Understand, I'm not judging.  Some of my friends date men or women where there is a big age difference, and they seem to be very happy.

But that doesn't mean I understand it --or perhaps it's fairer to say that ignorance makes me apprehensive.

When men in their fifties date women in their thirties it can appear to be fueled by a power imbalance redressed by a body imbalance.

One effect of the change in the role of women in American culture is that we tend to look at such alliances with a more skeptical eye.  A higher standard isn't a bad standard.

I'm approached, fairly regularly, by men in their twenties. When I get to pondering why they are even bothering to check me out, I wonder what else, besides the usual, could be going on.

Do they want a mother figure?

Do they experience women their own age as less mature?

Are they looking for someone to take the reins and lead them?

By the time you get into your forties, and then into your fifties,  we all have scars, unresolved conflicts, fears and doubts. 

Developmentally, we are in a different place than our unmarried  younger friends, even those who have had what are now hideously called "starter marriages."

I'm not even sure if I have a common vocabulary with a thirty-year-old guy.

Besides, I don't want to be in a situation where someone looks at me and speculates as to what HE is doing with me.

Particularly not if that's exactly what I am asking myself.

My friend is handsome, has a good job, is well-educated, and on his way to an interesting life.  He's a great catch.  For someone his own age.

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