vendredi, février 01, 2013

Pick me! Me! Me! Her?

I have a few friends who are falling in love, or at least into the realm of heavy "like.'

This, and a lively debate in the media, has raised a metaphysical question for me: can you be in love with someone who still has an active dating profile posted online?

Is that the virtual equivalent of that old-fashioned, yet socially relevant expression: "he/she has a wandering eye"?

How far can eyes wander? How many times on OKCupid or Match? Once a day? Once a week? When does the profile come down (around the time of an engagement?)

These questions have become more compelling because of a recent book on online dating written by Dan Slater. "A Million First Dates" has indeed cause some wings to flutter in the dovecots, in part because of the way he focuses the narrative on an immature schlub named Jacob, who can't seem to commit.

Just because Jacob has problems behaving like a grownup (and most of us have met or dated Jacobs or Joannas) doesn't mean that monogamy and marriage are flying out the window.

As Amanda Hess noted in this column posted on Slate in early January, it's not as though there are an endless stream of appropriate females or males waiting to be dated.

Sometimes online dating can feel like anguish.  Sometimes it's just tedious. Other times it's horrible. Occasionally it's fun.

But I still wonder about those who keep active dating profiles after professing commitment to someone else.

Even if monogamy isn't a loser, it's possible that they are.

In some ways, the multitude of seeming possibilities online can encourage immaturity in those who may be prone to that tendency already.  Are they keeping a metaphorical foot in the virtual door?

The line between schlub and gem can be a thin one, particularly when online temptations are involved (let's not even discuss the problems of online pornography  in marriages).

The availability of multiple choice has just exaggerated what was there before -- and, in doing so,  illuminated more starkly the choice between badass and bad.

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