Boyz 2 Men

I want a man.

And I don't mean a play partner, someone to fill the seat next to me at the theater, or a crush object.

What I mean is -- take away the boys, please.

Boys move seamlessly from crush to crush.

Men realize that it take a lot more than flirtation and a pretty face to make a relationship that lasts.

Boys mistake loneliness for love.

Men "get" the idea that love and trust takes time.

Boys say they want someone who will make them crazy with desire.

Men? Well, they want someone who will help them become saner (though a little eye-lock and pulse-pounding never hurt anyone).

Again and again, I see profiles written by guys who are looking to rekindle the excitement they think they might have experienced in high school.  I bet a lot of women also bring the same breathy romanticism to their profiles -- which may explain the high internet relationship mortality rate.

A born contrarian, the more I see this kind of naivete, the more prosaic I become. It's going to take a lot, after having practiced compassion so many times, to entice me out of my cave.

A man could do that.

I don't do "ruthless" well.

In fact, when it comes to the hard-headed female persona, I'm batting less than .500.

But I'm working on it.

I've canceled a few dates this week.

I don't have a lot of patience for listening to someone who doesn't express interest in what I think, dealing with desperation, or speaking to a guy who has never stumbled across the lower, public-radio part of the dial -- or heard a debate.

I am not your mother, my dear sir.

Nor your counselor.

Not your gal pal.

Or your cougar.

When I roar, it will be with a full-throated embrace of a mature relationship -- complete with revealed scars, honest tears, guffaws of laughter, and whole-hearted, lusty arguments.

Save the crush, the stardust, and the moon in June malarkey (thanks, Joe).

Man up.  

Then we've got something to talk about.