mardi, novembre 29, 2011
Too smart for her own good seeks good and smart
Some of my would-be suitors are nuts. Some are, let us say, salacious. Some, I fear, must be smoking something a little "tropic,"-- like the guy from New England who thought it would be great to meet up for a series of romantic "rendezvous."
The New England coast in wintertime? My dear, you have got to be kidding.
Last night I got an email from a man who wanted to meet me that was actually painful to read.
Here it is: "You are way smarter than I am, & you will likely think that I have trouble verbalizing my thoughts (because I do). I enjoyed reading your profile which clearly displays your gift of writing, and what you are seeking in a man. I do posses some of the qualities which you describe, but not most. I thought I'd take a chance and write to you in the hopes that you occasionally like to dumb it down a bit. If you review my profile and find even one thing which could possibly put us on a level playing field, I'd be happy to hear back from you."
I felt so bad for this guy -- and I felt a little bad for myself. Again and again (perhaps three times a week) I hear from men who aren't as vulnerable, nor as touching, nor as, frankly, poignantly realistic as the man who emailed me. Before I try to find words to gently say "no thanks" I shake my head and ask myself -- what was going through theirs?
Before I hear from a stream of folks criticizing my elitist attitude, let me be clear that not having a degree isn't a sign of lack of intelligence. Having a child with ADD, and knowing painfully the awful cost of going on for a degree, I'm very aware that lots of people don't go on to college for a multitude of reasons.
So it's not (although sometimes it is) about the degree. It's really about using your head and heart to investigate the world around you.
As I try to recalibrate my life with a full plate (renovated house, renovated educational credentials, full-scale search for paying writing work, teen children), I am realizing that, generally speaking, I need to be with someone who shares some of my intellectual interests.
And it's not even that I am that intelligent. In a lot of ways, I am merely ornamental, or even a bit hazardous.
I recall Al Gore (who, of course, had motive to be mean) saying that George Bush (43) was one of the most "incurious" men he'd ever met. I want a "curious" one (and I don't mean just an eccentric man).
Men oftentimes seem a lot less fussy about what's upstairs. People get into relationships, generally speaking, for a multitude of reasons.
Truth be told, I've run into lots of bright guys online who use their generous helping of grey matter for questionable purposes. I scare myself sometimes with the notion that perhaps I'm going to morph into someone who has walled off their feelings, too.
But I am too far gone down the intellectual trail I've been on to spend my Saturdays riding Harleys without a helmet and attending yard sales.
If I'm going to get into trouble without a helmet, at least I'll do it with a craft beer in one hand, and some decadent poetry in the other.
Feet firmly on the ground, that is. Because, for sure, the rest of me is not.