dimanche, novembre 20, 2011

The allure of a middle-aged woman

"Who are we? Talented younger man seeks daring, confident older woman.. for electrifying,non-traditional, lasting relationship as dear friends, confidants and lovers. I am seeking a strong older woman who has the confidence and desire to meet a good and decent younger man. I find a woman who has that certain mature and "knowing" look far more appealing. You have lived enough of your life to know what you want, and you are not afraid to go after it. You desire a man who can satisfy you on all levels, emotionally, spiritually and physically. You have an inner beauty that exudes to the outer being. You are sensual and sexy, and you know that "sexy" has more to do with the mind than with the body. You know you deserve the best that life has to offer. You have a youthful outlook, a thirst for adventure. You know you can keep my attention and interest.”

I wasn't daring enough to write the guy who viewed my dating profile.

No matter.

This weekend, the universe seems to be conspiring to tell me that to some younger guys, femmes d'un certain age are hot, hot, hot.

I needed to hear this. I still have moments of heart-ache, though I've gotten some good medicine for the hurt (from a master doctor).

I'm not talkin' cradle-robbing.

There seems to be an approximately fifteen year window here.

But given the emails I've been getting this weekend, I'm finding out that some guys like the idea of dating an older woman. Or at least they see the woman, not solely the age.

I'd already learned that (and very nice it was, thank you). This was just corroborative


Do they tend to think that all of our experience has made us better in bed? I haven't heard a hint of that in the men who contacted me this weekend.

But if I had to guess, some of these gentleman feel that one of the most seductive organs a woman can bring into a relationship is her mind.

Curiosity? Check. Mental agility? Yes. A bit of a wild child streak? Got it.

And I have to admit that having my mind taken as seriously, more seriously than my chronological age feels really good.

Because let's face it. After the age of roughly 35, men or women who want to date younger are going to have to sacrifice something.

It could be maturity. Or physical attractiveness (although that can be in the eye of the beholder). Or intelligence.

I'm just blown away that a guy finds my curious mind as desirable as my body. Or let me phrase it another way: that he finds my empathy and wide-ranging, all things considered intellect an advantage. That's a new one.

Empathy, which comes from experience, usually is paired with intelligence. In fact, it's pretty hard to have true empathy without some understanding of the larger human condition. That comes with age – and it comes with emotional maturity.

As we approach and pass the milestones of middle-age, some of us seem to want to jump into a box, and pull the edges around our heads -- becoming more and more of who we were.

We recapitulate. Or perhaps we capitulate. It feels safer.

Not me.

I'm attracted to men and women (as friends) who want to push the boundaries -- for us, there is no box (at least right now --- of course, we most of us end up in one).

I won’t stop trying to look and act the best that I can be. I like to look as good as I can without going all crazy with needles and stuff.

I'm a constant learner. And I try to keep a mind open to new ideas and experiences.

I suspect that means a lot to an adventurous man.

Some of them find that exciting.

"I think you are AMAZING" wrote a fan today.

I'm not all that.

But I am intrigued by the idea of exploring the many facets of a relationship.

Perhaps the men who contacted me over the past few weeks believe, with me, that a dangerous mind shouldn't go to waste.

I don't intend to let it.

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