mardi, octobre 04, 2011

Crushing burdens -- and baffling silence

This isn't a pretty topic.

But putting it on the screen in black and white may help me figure out what's happening -- and change my own behavior.

I've been puzzled by why, as I strive to maintain a grasp on complications too much for one person's shoulders, I have felt so alone.

With a few shining exceptions (a neighbor who has befriended the DQ, a Boy Scout father, my son's coach, an unexpected friend), no one has offered a hand. Emails updating friends and family have gone largely, though not totally (thank you!) unanswered.

There may be multiple reasons for this.

I'm not a good enough friend in a crisis myself. Maybe I need to pick up a mirror.

We live in a very atomized society. If you don't have local family in the area, no one thinks to offer help.

I'm extremely independent. Perhaps I give off signals that I don't need moral or physical support.

Lots of people have their own burdens, and are not in a position to take on another responsibility.

I'm not connected anymore with a church community in which folks would gather around and make casseroles, or offer to take kids for an evening.

There are so many possibilities -- and, I suppose, lessons to learn. When we're past this, I hope that I figure out how to be a better friend, more willing to offer help, and more open about needing it.

In the meantime, I just have to lift my chin, put my shoulders back, and move forward. Pity is not an option. There's too much to be done.

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