mardi, octobre 04, 2011
Crushing burdens -- and baffling silence
This isn't a pretty topic.
But putting it on the screen in black and white may help me figure out what's happening -- and change my own behavior.
I've been puzzled by why, as I strive to maintain a grasp on complications too much for one person's shoulders, I have felt so alone.
With a few shining exceptions (a neighbor who has befriended the DQ, a Boy Scout father, my son's coach, an unexpected friend), no one has offered a hand. Emails updating friends and family have gone largely, though not totally (thank you!) unanswered.
There may be multiple reasons for this.
I'm not a good enough friend in a crisis myself. Maybe I need to pick up a mirror.
We live in a very atomized society. If you don't have local family in the area, no one thinks to offer help.
I'm extremely independent. Perhaps I give off signals that I don't need moral or physical support.
Lots of people have their own burdens, and are not in a position to take on another responsibility.
I'm not connected anymore with a church community in which folks would gather around and make casseroles, or offer to take kids for an evening.
There are so many possibilities -- and, I suppose, lessons to learn. When we're past this, I hope that I figure out how to be a better friend, more willing to offer help, and more open about needing it.
In the meantime, I just have to lift my chin, put my shoulders back, and move forward. Pity is not an option. There's too much to be done.