vendredi, août 26, 2011
No finer man
It's been one of those weeks.
Just another normal week in the Colosseum (also known as the dating arena).
A few days ago, I hit the jackpot.
Early one morning, someone contacted me with the message: "You're so sexy, I'd love to wake up next to you."
A message which he repeated, with slightly altered verbiage, the next day.
He was followed, in short order, by a guy who liked to be called "MrLonely" and a fellow whose photo showed him dressed up as a frontiersman with a gun. A big gun.
And no, I'm not implying anything. He wanted to go hiking with me.
The "sex talk" guy (see previous post) showed up, possibly just to chat.
It's enough to make a girl despise men -- until reason kicks back in, and I remember all the genuinely nice men I know in the flesh.
Knowing the reality, I don't allow myself to open the door to dreaming very often. But when I do imagine falling in love, here's where I go...
He'd be intelligent, interested in the world, a reader, a thinker (though he doesn't have to have collected a motley crew of degrees to prove he can sit in a classroom and pay tuition like me.)
He'd be playful, irreverent, sometimes willing to push the boundaries of good taste, but knowing when to step back over the line.
He'd be a seeker -- willing to ask the questions, whatever answers he came up with.
He'd be fit, though not fanatic -- and quietly adorable (you'd never guess it, but I'm reticent about the people I genuinely care for).
He'd ponder learning from his mistakes and help me learn from mine -- we are all a little barnacled in middle-age.
How would it happen? I'd fall in spite of myself, almost without knowing it. The journey wouldn't happen overnight. Getting to know him would challenge my prejudices, shallowness, defensiveness.
Falling would be intuitive rather than calculated -- surprising, wonderful.
We'd teach each other what we haven't managed to learn along the road as well as sharing a common table.
It would be multidimensional and...it wouldn't be tried-and-true. This would be new land for both of us.
Love wouldn't be easy. I don't expect it to be quick. But it would be passionate, gentle, stormy, deep.
This uncharted land of dreams is very dangerous -- full of dragons and witches, storms and riddles.
So it is only in my dreams that I let myself wonder...listening to a call beyond reason.
In the territory of the enchanter, I am defenseless. Which is why I won't let myself go there much.
Listening in daylight for what my heart tells me during the night...and trying to barricade it up again.