jeudi, juin 30, 2011
Three things NEVER to say to your single friends
Beloved married friends, lend me your ear.
I have some advice.
Whether you take it or not is up to you.
It's not that these are new thoughts. They aren't even revolutionary. I think I speak for lots of singletons, or divorced people crazy enough to dip their toe back into the dating pool.
But, because I am so distracted, so very ADD in many areas of my life, it was not until I was driving to a date tonight that I decided to stop brooding, and start ranting.
If you want your single friends to be frank with you, it is smart to avoid saying:
"I'm so glad I'm not dating anymore.'" I am sure your spouse feels the same way. And that you truly feel this way, most nights. But it is does make it sounds like your friend's romantic choices lie somewhere between just-escaped-from- a-mental hospital and washes once a week, whether he/she needs it or not. Poor dears.
And it also sounds a tiny bit smug - particularly to those friends who know the scoop on your marriage. All of us have cracks. Some of us are just a little more cracked by experience than others -- we are seeking someone else who find these scars beautiful.
"You don't need another distraction." Speaking for myself -- yes, I do. Particularly the kind with sparkling eyes, a little bicep, and lots of expertise. Umm. Yes. I wouldn't mind that kind of distraction at all.
And finally, there's what my doctor, a wonderful woman wed happily for approximately 25 years, said to me. "Why don't you just go out to the movies with your girlfriends?" I love my BFF's. But if I just wanted coffee and a movie, I could do Netflix and Starbucks.
There is something delicious about having a member of the opposite sex in my life. Even better than a cafe mocha is...well, you know.
It takes courage to do what we do. It takes patience. It takes the willingness to crash and burn.
Those friends of ours who can see that, and speak from a position of honesty about their own flaws, are the ones to which we turn when we need to speak from the heart -- whether we are ecstatic or down in the depths on the 90th-floor. (Thank you, Cole).
I don't know if guys get these kind of remarks. But I do know that a lot of women would appreciate a hug and the assumption of equality a lot more than aphorisms.
I'm happy to discuss further, if you wish. Meet me at the Drafting Room. We'll order some food to make the beer taste better.