dimanche, mars 20, 2011

"In a relationship"

I enjoy reading his status updates on Facebook.

He's a writer -- fiction with a noir twist.

I'm a writer -- features and opinions with an upbeat or a religion incline.

And never the twain will met.

Except that we did, one day, at a local mall, thanks only to a phone call from him.

Because I did something I've never done before to a potential date -- I forgot I'd made it.

And when he called, after waiting for me until a less polite person would have gotten up and left, I wanted to crawl into a cave somewhere. But I didn't. I hopped into my car and drove to the mall.

We weren't "meant to be" -- if there is a "meant to be." But I was impressed by his intelligence, his sense of humor, and the fact that he seemed, in spite of the subject matter of his novels, quite normal. Genuine. Hopefully, in spite of the religion-themed subject matter of my columns, I did, too.

Oh my goodness, a nice guy.

Today, as I idly scanned the status updates, I noticed that his had changed. He's gone from "single" to "in relationship."

Yippee, I want to yell. Good job, man! You beat the odds.

But I quietly checked "like" instead.

And as I did, I confessed to having a small pang of...well, not envy so much as wistfulness.

I sometimes wonder what it would feel like to be a moderate person in a relationship with a guy of the same temperament. To go for a walk in a state park with him on a Saturday morning. To eat bagels on the deck or watch a cable movie. To read (how old-fashioned) the Sunday newspapers and share pieces of it across the sofa. To talk to him last thing at night, just checking-in.

I don't know if that will ever happen for me. To this point, I haven't been willing to risk sinking in the acid bath of bitterness and drama that often accompanies guys (or women) on their trajectory out of a previous relationship.

I'm not sure how much, frankly, I'm willing to risk. There are downsides to being congenitally temperate, yanno.

It's not that I've ruled out magic -- but I still expect to find that little guy behind the curtain, making the thunder clap and steam shoot out.

A good guy, yes.

But a very bad wizard.

1 commentaire:

BigLittleWolf a dit…

I get this. I really get this. (Except changing the FB status part. I don't get that. I don't get publicizing your relationship status to a bunch of strangers - go figure.)

But the rest? I understand. And despite everything, I still believe in taking chances - when we can. I believe in not entirely disbelieving that there are normal men out there with whom good relationships are possible. Just as for them, there are normal women out here whom they could appreciate.

Because you never know. Because hoping is better than not. Because even in accepting the way things are, being open to others - as friends, or anything else - fills us. And them. It's human, and I think we need it.

Finding it? Another matter entirely.