lundi, janvier 03, 2011

New Year's (Ir) resolutions, luuv department

I'm not big on resolutions, period.

I don't diet. That would require self-control I just don't have -- so you won't see me going all orthopraxic on you.

As regards losing the five minutes between my normal m.o. and an on-time arrival -- that's work in progress, a goal out there on the verge. Trust me, I'm aware of my defects in that regard -- and I have found forgiving friends.

I'm not going to try to write a novel, or even a set amount every day -- unless I get a great advance, of course.

Talking about advances (how'd you like THAT segue way)? I'm going to try to avoid the hit men this year, as good as their stories may be.

I do have a few targets to meet in the odd, quixotic, bizarre romance category. But they are more in the nature of self-improvement than fantasy.

I'm going to date more. Give out my number to some guys. Put on make up, a nice skirt and velvet jacket to meet some strange guy in a Barnes and Noble. Get in the car. Start the engine.

This isn't as simple as it sounds. I find it extremely easy to say "no thanks." There are so many ways in which life is simpler without a man in the picture. Yet sometimes, I have inklings that it might be fun to have one closeby, even if he isn't always standing next to me.

I've learned some things this year.

Some labels aren't important to me. I don't feel the need to share my faith with someone --I have plenty of people to do that with.

He can see the scars - I have plenty -- but he doesn't need to rescue me. Nor I him.

I don't need to eat what he eats, read what he reads, or even watch what he watches. I do want to learn from him -- and hopefully, he will want the same from me.

It is important that he share some of my values -- concern for others, compassion, an interest in the world with its pain and loveliness and perplexity.

Preferably, he should have children, and his kids should be important in his routine life. My kids don't need a father -- and I'm not looking for one for them. But in a world in which so many dads are disenfranchised or just throw in the towel, it is a wonderful thing when a fellow can adventure through fatherhood.

I'd like to find someone as grounded as I am-- or someone who wants to find that ground within himself.

The truth is, I hate "dating" with a passion. Yet I can't seem to give up on the vision.

This past year held a few surprises -- I have been touched when I haven't expected to be, deepened when I wasn't looking for it. I have lost a little bit of the cynicism that can be so pervasive in my soul -- have wept a few tears for what could have been, but not given myself away.

Maybe it will be a good year for romance -- if I can just find that jacket. And that eyeliner. And the skirt. And the big, big smile.

Aucun commentaire: