samedi, juin 05, 2010

The humili-date

Have you ever had an after-date headache? One that settles into the back of your neck, and wends it way around your teeth?

I've had one since last night. And even trying not to think about the dinner, which I am avoiding by means of reading and ice cream and running, doesn't seem to take the pain away.

I have learned, in the course of more than a few years of dating in the interstices of raising children, not to let my guard down.

That is because, in general, I haven't talked to a lot of guys who have encouraged me to want to be that open with them. I've found, sadly, that wry is the best mode of analysis for the ongoing thrum of emails, telephone conversations, and now and then meetings.

But over the past few weeks, I found that there was a chink in my worldlywise armor. When I checked his profile out after he looked at mine, I liked what I saw. He lived a state over from me. He was also a writer -- and he makes his kid his first priority, as I do.

The two hitches? He was a good deal younger -- and he lives more than two hours from Glenmoore. Two issues that I kept bringing up.

Our telephone conversations went well -- he told me that he was comparing the other women he met to me. Flattering. Kind of sweet. Although I didn't talk about him to my friends, I allowed myself, wonder. Be uncynical.

I won't even describe what happened last night, when we finally met up on neutral territory. Let's just say that it was one of the more profoundly humiliating moments of my dating career -- and a moment for him, when he figured out that he doesn't want to date significantly older women who live more than a few hours away.

Only the way he did it reminded me of the rhyme my kids would hurl at one another: "U-g-l-y, you ain't got no alibi, you ugly!" And, I'm ashamed to say, it hurt. It doesn't matter what the truth is when revulsion is looking out in someone else's eyes.

I thought that I could avoid such scenarios by being scrupulously honest in the way I present myself online. Recent pictures. My real age. The family complexities that keep me where I am, and happy most of the time.

But apparently even those measures aren't enough to stave off the humili-date. And the headache. And the brick to the castle walls that I add -- to protect myself, just a wee bit better, the next time.

And not unhappy, today, to be solitary - except for the headache, the pain and the memory.

6 commentaires:

BigLittleWolf a dit…

Ugh ugh ugh. Exactly why I'm not dating these days. If not age, it's something else. It seems like it's ALWAYS something with the online universe.

Whatever happened to the casual encounter in the real world?

I know. Never mind. SO sorry. Take two Tylenol, and call me in the morning.

norman pease a dit…

just because something is said or implied does not make it true.

Offcenter a dit…
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Offcenter a dit…
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Offcenter a dit…

I'm wired to believe the best of people -- my son is the same way. When someone is mean to us, we are really surprised. He didn't seem like the mean type, but what he did was cruel.

Sabrina Vourvoulias a dit…

The man is obviously an imbecile, Elizabeth.