mardi, décembre 01, 2009

Mouths to be kissed...

This past Sunday, the New York Times Magazine section had a fascinating article on therapeutic work being done on low sexual desire in women.

Did you know that around 30 percent of young and middle-aged women (20-60) go through periods when they either have little desire or perhaps no desire to have sex? If this is indeed a disorder, then it needs to be defined -- and not only because it's a potentially lucrative one for the drug companies.

The article raises all kinds of questions. Does lust wane over the course of time in relationships -- and can anything be done to bring the embers back to life? Do most women begin with lust, or do they need to learn it? How much does your partner's health or dysfunction set the mood for lust? And is there even such a thing as "desire" -- or is that something we learned at the movies?

Oh, and let's not even look closely at the "romance" or "bodice-ripping" genre, responsible for half of the cliched sex in this country.

"His hard face softened as he gazed at her, this fire-breathing hussy who had stolen his heart. She was so witty, yet so innocent. He longed to pull that lissome body against him, feel those silken lips under his own, pull the fancy pins from her blazing auburn hair... Then she stuck out her foot and tripped him."

See where I'm going?

Nuts to that for the moment. The part of the article that really drew my attention was the possibility that mindfulness could help renew desire in women who might have forgotten what it felt like.

Mindfulness is being as aware as you can be of this moment, not the one you are about to inhabit. It's about observing, without judgement, what you are feeling and seeing now. There's evidence that it really helps all kinds of problems, from high blood pressure to anxiety.

Why shouldn't mindfulness help build intimacy that makes the present moment very sexy indeed? I can see all kinds of ways in which mindfulness could help not just women, but men, too, move beyond anxiety and defensiveness to openness and trust.

After reading this, I was more convinced than ever that emotional intimacy is pretty crucial for women to be fully present to sex -- or at least an open, and naked mind.

And on that note, this is the best excuse I can find for offering a Stephen Sondheim song I love -- one that is pure id. Let others moan about sending in the clowns -- Petra doesn't mind a little fantasy in the here and now.

Also, if decolletage offends you, don't watch the snippet. There's a lot of it. I mean, of her.

"And a girl has to celebrate what passes by"....

Of course, she probably does marry the miller's son. And ends up in therapy.

1 commentaire:

norman pease a dit…

having not watched the video...what is the obscession with SEX? should we really expect or even desire mad passionate lust driven sex? Sure, at my age, I desire to feel the way I did when I was young, but I have also come to understand that while the white hot fires of lust burn bright, it is only after then fire is subdued to coals that a savory stew can be born. That is what I crave at this time in my life more than anything.