dimanche, décembre 21, 2008

The chill inside

Cruising for religion news in the English papers, I came across a frightening article by a writer who uses the pseudonym Jemma Rayner.

She's an English journalist who had a dating profile online. Read about what happened to her when she ran into a "creative" type who wouldn't leave her alone when she decided it was over.

Rayner's tale of barrages of emails, stalking and fear seemed a bit out of the ordinary to me until I remembered one experience I had with a man who lived about 20 miles from here who found me online.

He had a high-powered job that he had left to pursue a passion for music. When not traveling with his band, he hung out with his kids, and talked theology with a local priest.

Creative? Spiritual? A decent parent? What wasn't to like?

The tone of his emails became intimate, caressing. He called me from the road where he was playing with his rock group.

He joked about getting married, told me how much we had in common, how much he thought we were made for each other.

At this point, I was getting very queasy. His level of interest seemed wildly out of step with how well we knew one another. My antenna were vibrating madly, but I couldn't put my finger on what was going on.

So I told him that I didn't think we should pursue a meeting. It was then that he told me he was a sex addict -- chasing me only for the thrill of conquest.

I wonder what he expected I would do at that point? Empathize? Absolve him? My cautious response annoyed him. The tone of his emails became hurt and accusing.

Fortunately, he DID respect my desire to cease contact. I wish him well. I hope he's happier. But I know that feeling of fear now, and it compels me to cut guys with a genius for sweettalk off at the pass.

Or should I say...before the pass.

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