dimanche, octobre 12, 2008


I'm done with Bill Ayers, for the moment - a guy who probably made some great contributions to education, but can't seem to get over himself.

Back to the dating world, with a bit of religion thrown in (well, a lot, but take only as much as you can stand).

So often, I have been thrown back into that strange phantasmagorical land in which I am never quite sure what is true and what is fiction -- mine, or someone elses.

Everyone is seeking, and many of the guys have ventured far afield, into places I would never dream of going.

I still don't dream of these places, and I've certainly heard more than enough to construct a decent fantasy. I think that tells me something.

My fantasies seem so daytime by contrast.

I would like a sometime companion, a fellow voyager, a guy with a wacky sense of humor and a love of fitness, someone humane and loving towards kids -- but I've been solicited for other kinds of relationships so often that I am often quilled, like a porcupine facing a predator.

At church today, I was taking communion when the praise band started playing one of my very favorite songs, "Hungry," by Jeremy Camp.

hungry I come to You for I know You satisfy
I am empty but I know Your love does not run dry
so I wait for You
so I wait for You
I'm falling on my knees offering all of me Jesus,
You're all this heart is living for
broken I run to You for Your arms are open wide
I am weary but I know Your touch restores my life
so I'll wait for You
so I'll wait for You

If I hadn't been in the room where we pray for folks, waiting for some victim of the financial crisis to come for spiritual solace, I would have sat in my pew with tears streaming down my face. The past month has been so tough (for reasons that have nothing to do with dating) that I am drained, running on fumes, and hungry...so I'll wait for You when I crave truth.

And hope, in the meantime, that Mr. Relatively Normal (but not boring) comes into my life.

I wonder what these guys, with their law degrees and good salaries and many gifts and hunger ---I wonder what they are waiting for. Whatever it is, I hope they find something worth having.

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