vendredi, septembre 08, 2006
Asking for what we need
Why do so many singles ads sound the same? As I pondered venturing out again into the dating scene, I read scores of profiles from men around the Philadelphia area-and found that, after a while, most began to blur together in my mind. Few were seeking a stereotypical domestic goddess/slave. I suppose we might consider that progress. Perhaps I'm way too fussy, but after a while all the profile adjectives collapsed like meringue into a sweet broth of superficiality-Everyman seeks an Everywoman who is sensous, independent, affectionate, family-oriented-and, of course, loves the Jersey shore! Yet women singles also seem to have trouble making the sales pitch that makes them memorable- or so says a guy friend. It is possible, of course, that so many of the profiles sound alike because the authors reflect some kind of fundamental human truth about what we all want-sex, a good meal, a steady income, and a house at the Jersey shore. Is it only because I am not a huge fan of the Jersey beaches that I find this theory so unbelievelable?My intuition is that we (not just singletons, but pretty much all of us) find it very hard to be direct and to expose ourselves enough to unearth the deeper truth-that what we desire requires that we extend ourselves way beyond our comfort zone. It is even possible that the older we get the more difficult it is to ask for what we truly want. Each relationship becomes a decision-will we allow ourselves to gamble on the basic goodness of another human being? In no particular order, wouldn't it be nice to find a man or woman who will forgive us when we hurt them (and ask them to)? A companion who will stick by us if/when we get ill and our hair thins and our varicose veins become prominent? A mate we can trust with all that is fragile and scarred and ugly about ourselves? Someone who will help us laugh when we so want to be self-righteous? Someone who can get our pulses racing with pure unadulaterated lust when sex is the last thing we want as we slam the door after an awful day at the office? I suppose that if dating site clients wrote profiles that articulated these kinds of questions readers might think that the person behind the pitch actually was in need- in need, that is, of a partner as flawed, bruised and hopeful as they are themselves.