Would I? Could I? Should I?

Colin was sick for more than a week-we found out, about a week into it, that he had pneumonia. The nights he spent in my bed after the coughing woke him up probably contributed to my own immunocomprised state. Then Sian picked up something, resulting in high fever and a cough. So I took us both to the doctor this morning. He said that she probably has a virus-no sign of the chest problems, but we should keep an eye out. I have a sinus infection.

Meanwhile, the Ex takes off for a day at the US Open and an evening with an old New York friend.

I don't bitch about my ex-husband, and I'm not going to begin now. But I was thinking, as I mowed my lawn, because there wasn't anyone else that could, that it sure would have been nice to have another person to drive for groceries and buy medicine and...mow the lawn when I felt so horrible.

Then I thought about three married couples with whom I have spent time recently. I'm fond of all, of them, individually. But the sniping that went on between them made me wonder if they ever talked to, not at, one another. Then I wondered if I'd been like this, when I was married. Why can't I remember?

Not all of my married couple friends are like this-they don't pick and nag and prick. And I don't suppose fear of it would keep me out of a relationship. But it sure looks nasty to the one sitting across the table. If we all had to view tapes of ourselves taking out our petty or huge resentments on the folks we love the most, perhaps we'd choose to find ways to change our behavior.